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Monday, July 28th, 2008
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9:03 pm
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| Tuesday, July 17th, 2007
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3:06 pm
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| Friday, May 4th, 2007
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12:04 pm
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| Sunday, April 29th, 2007
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12:53 am
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Ok, so, getting older is really shitty, I feel. I can't deal with life right now. I can't deal with graduation or how I feel like procrastination is warranted now that i'm going to be out of dumb John Jay this year. What the frig am I even going to do? It's great how I have really good grades and I'm really active at school and everything, and no one even cares about that. COME ON. Hire me right now.
I can't deal with working at the stupid writing center. It is the most thankless, most retarded job ever. No one ever comes in motivated to do any work at all, and all I do is give ideas out and send people packing. I love how professors recommend all the dumb students in my classes to come be tutored by me as though I don't mind running the risk of giving them the ideas I have for papers that we have to do for the same class. Thanks, Professors. I appreciate it.
I fucking HATE how my dumb boss thinks that my life revolves around how she needs people to do workshops. I can't speak in public! No one ever listens to me because I'm bad at it, and I don't want to have to make up new workshop material every friggin day just because you don't want anyone else doing workshops. GET OVER IT. I have to get work and get a life. Why the fuck should I worry about you impressing the provost? I mean, come on. You're worried about getting funding and impressing people, but then you call different departments and swear at the people who head them? WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
This is terrible. I never should have left Rhode Island because, seriously, I would have found my niche eventually. I was an idiot to think that coming to a fuckin "urban school" would help me at all. I have no guidance and no confidence. Where do I even go? If I were a forensic science major then I'd have lots of help figuring out who I have to blow for a job. Those assholes can sit around with their thumbs up their asses and get work. Thanks, John Jay, for making me feel like a complete loser because I'm not a forensic science braggart.
Fuck you, New York.
Stupid.
current mood:  infuriated
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, March 31st, 2007
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2:01 pm
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It would be pretty sweet if I could lose some weight, get a job staring at brains all day, and dye my hair.
Feral children are pretty awesome.
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, February 15th, 2007
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10:23 pm
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I drew pictures of everyone at work today. I feel alright.
I can't write. The girl i tutored will probably fail because of me.
It's ok, though.
I have to do a workshop next week, and I'm ok with that.
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, February 12th, 2007
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1:19 pm
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It's cool that i've been watching TLC all morning when i should be studying/working out/reading/writing.
ugh. I wish becky were here.
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, February 11th, 2007
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10:21 am
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I think i've seriously come to my wits end. I began studying for the GREs yesterday, and i relived my junior year in high school. When i was 17, i was under the impression that i was smart or, at least, marginally superior academically to the people i knew. I was wrong, and because it turned out that i was wrong, that i was, in fact, DUMBER than most of the people i knew, i resolved to not care anymore.
But i do care. My grades have been perfect. I teach english and writing now, and i kind of got over my fear of looking at any numerical equations that i might have to solve. I've thought for awhile that, surely, by now i'm smart enough to do well on the stupid GRE. Come on. I'll take a class, find that i don't need that much work (except maybe in math), and that will be that.
I'm wrong again.
I'm really dumb. Somewhere along the line, i must have had a lobotomy that removed any and all parts of my brain that facilitate logical reasoning. Also, because i signed myself up for a Princeton Review class that put me 1,100 dollars in the hole, i have to stay in constant contact with a girl who andrew believes "thinks she's probably the smartest ever because she teaches a Princeton Review class." She probably is right to think so. Anyhow, i should be happy about that, but i can't handle getting feedback from her. Reading her emails is like listening to someone explain a simple function slowly because they think i'm retarded.
It's really demeaning and awful.
The only good thing to come of it was that the princeton review provided the most cathartic topic i could have been asked to write about, and i tackled it yesterday in just under the provided 45 minutes. My prompt read "Only when one has experienced real sadness can one experience true happiness," and like a true clinical depressive, i wrote that the prompt should read "Once one has experienced real sadness, one can never be truly happy." Andrew said that whoever reads it will probably die by the end.
Oddly enough, Becky read it and said, "oh, you have such a good vocabulary!"
tell that to the princeton review.
i want to die after graduation.
current mood:  depressed
current music: Worms - Beth Orton
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, February 3rd, 2007
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3:34 pm
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It's pretty dumb that my mother is crazy and that my little brother isn't here. I bought a huge book, and Andrew and i invested in a book together because we're old. I have to figure out where to put them when i get home.
It's not dumb that croton is an inexpensive place to live and, because of such a fact, I might finally be able to live upstate.
I wish the film Perfume were playing in Montclair. I like when my dad suggests books to me and when we can see the film version together afterward.
In conclusion, i like being allowed into the "adult women's locker room" at the JCC. I guess only older Jewish women Bogart spas, but now i'm allowed to do it also.
This is proof positive that a 22nd birthday does come with special priviledge.
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, December 10th, 2006
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3:11 pm
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| Thursday, November 30th, 2006
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1:33 pm
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| Sunday, November 19th, 2006
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4:33 pm
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i wish i associated myself with fewer losers. the only people in new york who don't seem to suck are the two people i live with and two girls who are leaving.
i'm really sorry i ever came here. i wish i'd stayed in Rhode Island.
in other news, if you're a friend of mine you might want to reconsider. apparently i'm way too mean and i ruin people's lifes. or at least i'm part of the precipitate.
whatever.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, October 9th, 2006
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6:52 pm
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| Sunday, October 8th, 2006
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10:45 pm - "Mind if i smoke?" "Don't care if you burn."
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before he stopped talking to me, my friend made me realise that i hate him,
and i'm totally ok with that.
i think i should be allowed to vent a little bit, though.
honestly, i'm so tired of random people deciding that they have feelings for me that are much stronger than they need to be.
this summer, i received an email telling me that i was SO fabulous and SO great that my friend just couldn't speak to me anymore.
it follows that i should've been upset, and i was.
but now, i'm being accused of overreacting. i'm overreacting because my friend CAN'T BEAR to see me with someone i love and he just CAN"T GO ON like this and oh my god, no one's ever felt this way before!
i'll tell you who has: Rich, Roach, Pete, and some guy i knew when i was in eighth grade.
it's called SUCK IT UP. he tells me that i make him sound like he's weird, but he's the one who tells me that i should ask him whatever i want because he's so vulnerable; he hasn't cried in years, but i make it so.
so when i want to tell a story about how andrew's kind of a weenie when it comes to having colds, why should his question be, "well how do YOU expect ONE to act when ONE has a cold, hm?" honestly, i'm so tired of questions that seem like they're meant to analyze my character. i think it's cute when certain people whine and say that only a tuna sandwich can cure them; it's not a crime, and it's certainly not a point of analysis.
so when i change the subject, i'm greeted with a pursed mouth and a statement: "well, i'm just not going to say anything anymore."
in that case, i think it's fine that i go on about my business. i don't operate on a "when you're done PMSing" schedule.
so now, i'm overreacting, and these are grounds upon which to "disown me."
let me say this: i may be overreacting, but i'm still the one who got that stupid fifth grade email this summer, and i'm not the one who defines "betrayal" as having a disagreement with someone. if i disowned all of the people i've ever disagreed with in my life, i'd be a lonely person. Fortunately, i've grown up, and i've learned that being a big, fat baby about everything isn't how a person gets anywhere in life.
you may think i'm overreacting, but i've got about ten people who say i'm not. you might disagree, but i'll tell you one thing i most certainly am not:
a pussy.
current mood:  enraged
current music: W/IFS - annie the imaginary lawyer
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, April 14th, 2006
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6:23 pm
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i will never have adventures.
i'll only ever be in an attic in New Jersey waiting for them to have me.
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, March 3rd, 2006
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11:36 am
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I would write.
but i can't do that anymore.
the writing center stole my skills.
i'm only a shell these days.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, November 19th, 2005
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8:18 pm
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I feel as though it was a million years ago that a house felt this uninviting.
i love panic attacks.
i fucking hate midtown.
My neck hurts and my sinuses hurt all in the name of science again.
"Liz, it's like this: we're two Aces--you know, like cards?-- so...we're too good for each other...or something. We need to stay lower in the deck."
i think that's what you're trying to say.
don't worry. i've heard it already.
i feel like i've heard it all before.
current mood:  crushed
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, November 18th, 2005
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9:58 am
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| Wednesday, November 16th, 2005
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10:15 pm
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So, seriously, when did everything thing become ridiculous?
my brothers are so old, and my parents finally parted ways.
fortunately, i had a good friend who decided to tell me that things might be better without me.
after weeks of begging and "don't forget me's" i was forgotten.
wheat thins and raspberry jam and big big bottles of water are not the way to a person's heart.
nor is cleaning a pukey toilet when you're afraid of vomit
but it'll be ok cos X-Box 360 comes out next week and no one will need me after that.
So, i intend throw myself into my work for the remainder of the semester, start smoking again, and question everyone's motives.
China
all the way to New York
i can feel the distance
getting close
you're right next to me
but i need an airplane
i can feel the distance
as you breathe
sometimes
i think you want me to touch you
but how can i when you've built the Great Wall around you?
eck. who really cares a lot?
current mood:  listless
current music: Tori Amos - China
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, November 7th, 2005
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10:59 am
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"Hey Liz, how was your weekend?"
"oh, it was fine. just the usual: met hanson in boston, shook taylor's hand...all that."
yup.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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